The holiday season, brimming with joyous gatherings and festive meals, often becomes a battleground for navigating cultural diets. Conversations about food, weight, and health can creep into holiday discussions, causing discomfort and challenging our efforts to maintain a balanced relationship with food and our bodies. If you’re dreading these moments, know that you’re not alone.

This guide will help you handle these situations gracefully, set boundaries, and focus on enjoying the holidays without compromising your emotional well-being or your journey toward self-acceptance.

Recognizing the Impact of Cultural Diets

Cultural diets permeate our social interactions, especially during holidays. Friends or family members might comment on your plate, categorize foods as “good” or “bad,” or even compare their diets to yours. These remarks can disrupt the joy of the moment, triggering feelings of inadequacy or frustration.

Understanding that these behaviours are rooted in societal norms can help you approach them with compassion while prioritizing your mental health. The goal is to preserve the essence of the holidays—connection, gratitude, and celebration—without letting external pressures dictate your experience.

Strategies to Set and Communicate Boundaries

1. Define Your Boundaries in Advance

Take time to determine your limits when it comes to food or weight-related discussions. For example, you might decide that conversations about dieting, weight, or body image are off-limits during gatherings.

Communicate these boundaries to friends and family before the event. A simple, respectful request might sound like:

• “I’d appreciate it if we could avoid discussions about diets and weight during dinner.”
• “Please refrain from making comments about what I’m eating or my body.”

Reassure them that this is for your well-being and not a critique of their choices.

2. Prepare for Boundary Violations

While setting boundaries is essential, it’s equally important to decide how you’ll respond if they’re crossed. Consider actions that feel right for you:

• Gentle Reminders: Politely but firmly remind the person of your request.
• Take a Timeout: Step out of the room if the conversation becomes too overwhelming.
• Leave the Gathering: If necessary, prioritize your peace by excusing yourself.

For example, you might say:

• “I mentioned earlier that I’m not comfortable discussing this. I’m stepping away for a moment.”

3. Be Assertive with a Calm Demeanor

When others test your boundaries, staying calm is crucial. Emotional responses can escalate tensions, making the situation harder to manage. Use techniques like:

• Deep breathing: Inhale for 4 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds.
• Visualization: Picture yourself in a peaceful setting.
• Progressive muscle relaxation: Subtly clench and release muscles to ease tension.

These strategies help you maintain your composure and reinforce your message effectively.

Handling Conversations Around Cultural Diets

4. Practice the Broken Record Technique

The broken record method is a powerful tool for reinforcing your boundaries. When someone ignores your request, calmly repeat your stance without escalating the conversation. For instance:

• “I understand you feel strongly about your diet, but I’d rather not discuss it right now.”
• “I hear you, but I’d appreciate it if we could focus on enjoying the meal together.”

Consistency shows you mean what you say while preventing the discussion from spiraling.

5. Change the Subject Tactfully

If addressing the issue head-on feels unsafe, redirect the conversation to a neutral topic. For example:

• “That’s an interesting perspective. How’s work going for you?”
• “This food is delicious! What’s the recipe?”
• “Let’s talk about our favourite holiday memories instead.”

Steering the conversation away from potentially harmful topics keeps the atmosphere light and enjoyable.

Prioritizing Your Well-Being

6. Prepare Mentally Before Gatherings

Anticipating challenging situations allows you to approach them with a clear mind. Strategies include:

• Meditation: Spend a few minutes grounding yourself before the event.
• Positive Affirmations: Carry a card with affirmations like, “I am more than my body.”
• Support Systems: Text a friend who understands your journey for encouragement.

7. Focus on What Truly Matters

The holidays are about connection, not perfection. Remind yourself of the joy in spending time with loved ones, sharing traditions, and creating memories. By keeping this perspective, you can rise above unhelpful comments and focus on the bigger picture.

8. Give Yourself Permission to Feel

It’s okay to feel hurt or frustrated when cultural diet conversations arise. Acknowledge your emotions without judgment, and let yourself healthily process them. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or engaging in a relaxing activity can help you move forward.

Building a Holiday Culture Free from Diet Talk

9. Set an Example for Others

Your approach to food and body positivity can inspire those around you. By demonstrating kindness toward yourself and refraining from commenting on others’ choices, you subtly encourage a healthier environment for everyone.

10. Encourage Non-Food-Centered Activities

Shift the focus from food to shared experiences, such as:

• Playing games or watching a movie.
• Engaging in creative projects like crafting decorations.
• Going for a walk to admire holiday lights.

These activities foster connection without the potential pitfalls of cultural diet discussions.

11. Empower Yourself with Knowledge

Understanding the roots of cultural diets can help you navigate conversations with greater confidence. For example, you might learn about how media perpetuates unrealistic beauty standards or explore intuitive eating principles. This knowledge equips you to respond to diet talk with informed, constructive perspectives.

Conclusion

Navigating cultural diets during the holidays can be challenging, but with clear boundaries, mental preparation, and a focus on what truly matters, you can protect your well-being and enjoy the season to its fullest.

Remember, it’s not your responsibility to manage others’ opinions or behaviours. By prioritizing your needs and approaching situations with grace, you can reclaim the joy of the holidays and foster a more positive environment for yourself and those around you.

This holiday season, celebrate the freedom to be yourself—free from the constraints of cultural diets.

 

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In both professional and social settings, being asked to share a fun fact about yourself is a common icebreaker that can feel unexpectedly challenging. Crafting an engaging and memorable response, especially on the spot, can leave a lasting impression and serve as a gateway to more meaningful interactions. When done well, a fun fact highlights your individuality and invites others to connect with you on a personal level. However, determining a fun fact that is both authentic and universally appealing requires a bit of reflection and creativity.

Whether you’re preparing for a work meeting, a networking event, or a social gathering, selecting the right fun fact can be a valuable tool for setting a positive tone and sparking conversations. This guide explores techniques and examples to help you come up with a professional yet engaging fun fact, ensuring you’re ready to shine in any setting.

Why Fun Facts Matter

Fun facts are more than just fillers for awkward silences. Sharing a fun fact helps break the ice, fosters connections, and sets a friendly, open tone in a group. They often serve as conversation starters, inviting curiosity and making it easier for others to engage with you. A well-thought-out fun fact can make you memorable in a positive way and lets others see a side of you that isn’t immediately apparent.

How to Come Up with a Fun Fact About Yourself: Key Strategies

If you’re wondering how to come up with a fun fact about yourself that stands out while staying true to who you are, try these strategies.

1. Explore Your Hobbies and Interests

One of the easiest ways to find a fun fact is by reflecting on your hobbies and interests. Consider what you enjoy in your free time. Maybe you’re a rock climber, a board game enthusiast, or a self-taught musician. Even if your hobbies seem ordinary, there’s usually a unique twist you can highlight. For example:

• “I’ve baked a different type of bread every weekend for the past year.”
• “I can name all the constellations visible in the Northern Hemisphere.”

These hobbies can help showcase your passions and create openings for others to ask questions, encouraging more interaction.

2. Think About Childhood Memories

Sometimes, childhood experiences reveal charming and fun aspects of our personalities. Reflect on unique experiences or achievements from your younger years. Did you have an unusual pet, a quirky hobby, or a funny habit as a child? Examples might include:

• “As a kid, I won a watermelon-seed-spitting contest!”
• “I once dressed up as my favorite book character for Halloween three years in a row.”

These kinds of facts are often endearing and can help people relate by recalling their childhood memories too.

3. Highlight Your Unique Skills

Everyone has a special skill or hidden talent. Even if it’s quirky, it can make for an impressive and engaging fun fact. Consider talents you’ve developed or unique skills that might surprise others. For instance:

• “I can solve a Rubik’s Cube in under two minutes.”
• “I can whistle nearly any song on demand.”

Such skills create intrigue, and people will likely remember you as “the Rubik’s Cube master” or “the whistler.”

4. Draw From Your Travel Experiences

If you’re someone who has traveled, chances are you’ve had some memorable experiences that make for interesting stories. Think of unique or funny incidents, places you’ve visited, or unexpected situations from your travels:

• “I got lost in Venice for three hours and ended up discovering some amazing hidden cafes.”
• “I’ve eaten street food in 10 different countries.”

Facts like these reveal an adventurous side and can provide common ground with other travelers.

5. Look at Fun Family Facts

Family-related facts can also be interesting and relatable. Consider unique family traditions, famous ancestors, or quirky family stories:

• “My family celebrates birthdays with a ‘wish dance’ where everyone dances to celebrate the wish.”
• “My great-grandfather was a circus performer.”

Family facts can often spark stories or shared experiences, making it easier for others to connect with you.

Making Your Fun Facts Engaging

Once you have some ideas, it’s time to craft them into memorable, engaging snippets. Here’s how to present your fun fact effectively.

1. Keep It Short and Memorable

Fun facts work best when they’re brief and to the point. Aim to keep your fact to one sentence, so it’s easy to remember and share. Try to avoid long explanations. Instead of saying:

• “When I was a child, I practiced magic tricks for hours, and my favorite trick was making coins disappear.”

Say:

• “I used to perform magic tricks for my family as a kid!”

2. Add a Bit of Humor

Adding humor can make your fun fact more enjoyable and memorable. Don’t hesitate to laugh at yourself or play up the funny parts of your story. Examples might include:

• “I’m a black belt in… folding laundry quickly!”
• “I once baked a cake so hard, it bent the knife.”

A touch of humor lightens the mood and helps others respond with laughter or share a story of their own.

3. Make It Relatable

The best fun facts are those others can connect with. Choose facts that highlight experiences or interests that may resonate with others. For example:

• “I’ve always wanted to skydive, but can’t bring myself to jump out of a plane.”

Such facts tap into common fears or aspirations and can make it easy for others to relate, even if they haven’t had the same experience.

4. Choose Facts That Reflect Your Personality

Fun facts are an opportunity to show your personality in a playful way. Choose facts that reflect who you are as a person. If you’re adventurous, choose a daring fact; if you’re quirky, share something unusual. For instance:

• “I once tried to train my pet goldfish to do tricks.”

This fun fact hints at a playful personality, encouraging others to see you as approachable and friendly.

Examples of Fun Facts for Different Settings

Now that you’ve brainstormed some fun facts, here are examples that work well in various settings.

Work or Professional Settings

For work, keep your facts light-hearted and professional. These examples work well:

• “I’m a huge fan of puns, so prepare for some cheesy jokes!”
• “I finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time – under an hour!”

Social Events or Friend Groups

In casual settings, you can share more playful or personal facts, such as:

• “I can recite the entire script of my favorite movie.”
• “I once ate 12 doughnuts in one sitting and immediately regretted it!”

Networking Events

Networking events are ideal for sharing unique, conversation-starting facts:

• “I accidentally ran a marathon once.”
• “I’m surprisingly good at identifying types of cheese.”

Final Tips for Sharing a Fun Fact

Once you’ve chosen your fun fact, delivering it in the right way makes all the difference. Here are a few tips:

• Be Authentic: Share facts that genuinely represent you, as authenticity leaves the best impression.
• Smile and Be Confident: A smile makes your fact feel more inviting, and confidence can help others relate more easily.
• Don’t Overthink It: Fun facts are meant to be simple and lighthearted, so keep it easy-going.
• Observe Reactions: Notice how people react to different facts. This can help you fine-tune which facts work best in different situations.

Fun Fact Alternatives

If you’re still unsure about what to share, try these alternatives:

• Would You Rather: Pose a “Would you rather?” question related to your interests.
• Two Truths and a Lie: Share two true facts and one false fact to make it more engaging.
• Favorites: Share a favorite book, movie, or meal you’ve enjoyed recently.

Wrapping Up

Finding a memorable fun fact doesn’t have to be a struggle. By reflecting on your hobbies, childhood memories, travels, and unique skills, you’ll find plenty of conversation-starting material. How to come up with a fun fact about yourself becomes easier when you focus on authenticity, relatability, and a hint of humor.

The next time someone asks for a fun fact, you’ll have a go-to answer ready to share. Remember, it’s all about showing a unique side of yourself that others can connect with, helping to create bonds and setting a friendly, open tone. Embrace your unique experiences, and let your fun facts reflect the best parts of who you are!

FAQs

What Are Some Examples of Fun Facts?

Fun facts vary widely depending on your personality and experiences. Here are some examples that work well:

• “I once shook hands with my favorite celebrity.”
• “I can touch my nose with my tongue.”

Choose a fact that represents you and sparks curiosity!

How Can I Make My Fun Fact More Interesting?

To make your fun fact more interesting, add a touch of humor or reveal something unexpected. For instance:

• Instead of saying, “I like to cook,” say, “I once made a five-course meal just for myself.”

Interesting details make your fact memorable and enjoyable for others.

Should I Use a Fun Fact in a Professional Setting?

Yes, but keep it light and professional. Fun facts help colleagues see a more personal side of you. For example, instead of something deeply personal, try:

• “I can juggle three objects at once – but not four!”

How Can I Use Fun Facts for Networking?

Fun facts make great icebreakers for networking events. Use facts that prompt curiosity and conversation, like:

• “I can recognize movie quotes from just a few words.”

Fun facts help people remember you and make it easier for them to start a conversation.

What if I Don’t Have Any Fun Facts?

Everyone has fun facts, even if they don’t seem obvious! Think about unique childhood memories, quirky habits, unusual skills, or family traditions. If nothing stands out, try sharing something simple yet unique, like:

• “I collect postcards from every place I visit.”

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How Teachers Foster Problem-Solving in Young People

At all ages, children face puzzles to challenge their agility, reason, and capacity for thinking outside the box. But the world today operates at a greater pace, and problems become more complicated quickly. What students are supposed to learn is not only to remember but also how to interpret, question, and apply information to contexts they haven’t seen before. Whether the child ends up as a police officer in the UK, an engineer in India, a designer in Germany, or an entrepreneur in the US, is there any skill that will be common for all those tasks, and that is solving problems?

The ability is not developed overnight. It grows, over time, from little things and the influence of great teachers. Behind every child who believes in himself or herself,  who learns to think and wield standard English as a sword, there is frequently an adult, a teacher who offered that first affirmation or spelled out how to pronounce misguided phonics. Schools can teach subjects, but teachers are the ones who teach children to think.

Critical thinking is not just an academic skill. It’s a life skill, one that helps young people navigate relationships and manage stress and adapt to the unpredictable so they can grow into capable adults who foster strong families,  meaningful careers, and effective citizenship in their communities. Understanding how teachers purposefully develop this skill among students reminds us of the deep and lasting work that occurs beyond textbooks and tests.

• Why Problem-Solving Matters Today

Learning has never been just about regurgitating information. Ruling, outlining, cuing: None of these fluency strategies makes students better readers. Students do not read because they want to race through paragraphs; they read to understand ideas, weigh evidence, consider perspectives, and reach informed conclusions. The goal of education is to help make thinking visible and become better at decoding the world and responding with clarity and creativity.

But what is learning other than solving problems? By becoming critical thinkers, students learned:

• Navigate real-life problems with confidence
• Form opinions of their own, instead of taking in opinions from the outside
• Work well with diverse peers
• Cope with changing environments and tasks, new problems, or situations.
• Think before you act, not the other way around.

These abilities determine not only academic achievement but personal resilience. The child who learns to question, reflect, and reason will become the adult who can weigh risks, juggle duties, and operate effectively in a complex world.

What makes great teachers great is that they don’t just provide answers. They are sherpa, guiding students to forge their own paths. They don’t tell students what to think; they teach them how to think.

• How Teachers Encourage Problem-Solving

Strong thinkers do not just spring upon us by happenstance. Teachers design learning opportunities that intentionally confront students’ assumptions, broaden their perspectives, and make them more comfortable with questioning uncertainty. The following are some of the key ways teachers help children develop these skills, not as discrete manoeuvres but bound up in a broader approach to education.

• Asking Open-Ended Questions

Open-ended questions are one of the best tools that a teacher has. Some questions don’t have an answer out there, a single correct answer out there, but rather require reasoning as opposed to collecting:

• “How could we solve this?”
• “What might be causing this?”
• “Can you imagine a different way around it?”

Such questions convey the message to students that learning is not striving for perfection or regurgitation; it’s about thought. Inquiry-based questions help create classrooms where students thrive because students feel safe enough to share ideas, take intellectual risks, and think aloud without fearing ridicule or embarrassment.

This approach fundamentally shifts the student-teacher relationship. Rather than passively receiving information, students and teachers become active creators of knowledge. They learn to slow down, reflect , and analyse key attributes of any potential professional or leader.

• Using Real-Life Examples

Real-life case studies move learning out of the abstract and into a context that students can understand. On the other hand, if educators can make explicit the links between their ideas and students, they can have practical tools that contribute to a sense of purpose and relevance.

For example, the placement of this household machine or a more familiar piece of equipment, like a tractor, helps students grasp concepts such as design, engineering, problem-solving, and cause-and-effect relationships. Someone saw a problem and invented a solution, an invention known as the tractor. What I like about this cross-pollination is that students are exposed to the idea that problem solving is not just something they do in school: it is at the core of any innovation across all disciplines.”

Specific comparisons ground learning experiences that are easier to understand and more powerful. Students start to recognise that every toy and tool, and improvement of their environment, is an answer to a genuine problem someone, somewhere, once faced.

 

• Group Activities and Collaborative Learning

Teamwork is not just a social activity. It represents a training ground for the mind in which students hone their abilities to express ideas, reconcile differences, and weld widely varying perspectives into mutually acceptable solutions. Group work forces students to listen, question, compromise, and cooperate, all skills that will be useful in any field.

In groups, they realise that there are many right ways to tackle the same problem. They see how others think. They come across perspectives they never would have seen. This exposure reinforces their grounding while helping them to mature into empathetic communicators.

Students who work closely with other students develop the teamwork and collaborative skills that college and career readiness require.

• Learning Through Trial and Error

Permission to fail is one of the most transformative gifts that a teacher can bestow. This leads to freedom, a state of mind in which mistakes are seen as chances, not punishable errors. They dare to experiment. They investigate. They take intellectual risks.

Trial and error is not a deficiency; it’s an adventure. When teachers permit experimentation, they build resilience, persistence, and creativity. They learn that solutions are not found on the first try, and being frustrated is not something that stands in opposition to doing the work, but is part of the process.

The result is a generation of kids who are not afraid to take on challenges, kids for whom problems are not threats, but puzzles that beg to be solved.

• Encouraging Reflection

Reflection is the secret weapon of thought. When teachers ask students, without referring to their notes or a book, to pause and reflect on what worked when analysing documents in previous lessons and what didn’t work, they are turning on metacognition, the ability to think about one’s thinking.

Reflection:

• Strengthens memory
• Deepens understanding
• Sharpens awareness of reasoning patterns
• Helps students avoid repeating mistakes
• Instills confidence in dealing with further confrontations

Reflective children are thoughtful, intentional learners who own their growth. They don’t get any better as students because they’re trying harder; it’s because they’re not trying harder.

• Creativity: The Heart of Problem-Solving

Drawing, painting, and creative expression are not the only outlets for our creativity. Creative problem-solving is the capacity to conceive of new angles on challenges, recognise new patterns, and formulate an original solution.

Fostering Creativity Educators foster creativity by encouraging students to:

• Ask questions
• Generate ideas
• Try new methods
• Experiment without judgment
• Think beyond traditional boundaries

Students should be able to innovate when they think creatively. They come to science, math, and technology as well as day-to-day life with open minds ready to learn. A creative person sees opportunities rather than limitations.

When creativity is a habit, problem-solving becomes second nature.

• Problematization as a Factor of Academic Achievement

For students to learn how to break up problems into steps, a process often described as “peeling the onion,” brings powerful academic benefits. They become savvy about negotiating big questions, budgeting time on exams, following logical sequences, and grasping concepts instead of memorising facts.

Teachers who repeatedly ask and encourage problem-solving strategies promote habits of mind that students take with them for the rest of their lives. Not just grades, but personal confidence and emotional stability are tied to such skills.

A child who has learned to reason through complexity becomes an adult who can tolerate uncertainty, assess risks, negotiate ambiguities, and make reasoned choices.

• Building Confident and Independent Learners

Problem-solving doesn’t just engage the mind; it also builds character. When students repeatedly take problems from one step towards a solution, they develop patience, discipline, and calm when the pressure is on. They become people who trust their own judgment and are open to new experiences.

Here, teachers are central agents in the context of:

• Praising effort
• Acknowledging progress
• Creating safe, supportive learning environments

This emotional groundwork enables students to become self-directed learners,  people who take charge of their own development, engage with difficulty, and continue even when they find work gruelling.

• Final Thoughts

Problem-solving ability is one of the most beautiful things you can give to children. Under the right mentorship, students evolve into more than just intellectually capable individuals; into independent thinkers who can navigate life with clarity, bravery, and creativity.

Even the most basic of tools, a tractor, for instance, serves as a reminder to students that there are solutions out there in the world waiting to be found for every problem. This is a time when the engineers, designers, leaders, and citizens of tomorrow will need such skills more than ever.

Wherever life leads them, problem-solving skills will form the basis of their success in an ever-changing world.

 

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Have you ever found yourself dreaming while you’re dreaming? This experience, known as lucid dreaming, has fascinated scientists and dreamers for decades. Although some people experience it spontaneously, inducing it in a controlled manner has, until now, been a challenge reserved for laboratory settings.

 

Recently, a team of researchers has developed an innovative mobile app that allows you to trigger lucid dreaming from the comfort of your home. Using sounds previously associated with a reflective state, this technology makes it easier to access this experience. In this article, we will explore how this app works, the results of the study that support its effectiveness, and the exciting applications that lucid dreaming can have.

The science behind lucid dreaming

Lucid dreaming is a fascinating experience in which a person is aware that they are dreaming while doing so. This phenomenon occurs during the REM phase of sleep, when brain activity resembles wakefulness but the body remains motionless. Although many people experience lucid dreams spontaneously, inducing them in a controlled manner has been a challenge for scientists and dream enthusiasts.

 

Interest in lucid dreaming is not just anecdotal; it is also a valuable tool for studying consciousness and its states. During a lucid dream, areas of the brain related to metacognition – the ability to reflect on one’s thoughts – are more active. This allows researchers to explore how we perceive reality and the boundaries between states of consciousness.

 

A promising approach to lucid dreaming induction is Targeted Lucidity Reactivation (TLR), a technique that combines pre-sleep cognitive training with sensory stimuli. In a laboratory setting, participants are trained to associate certain sounds or cues with the need to critically analyze their experience. These cues are then presented again during REM sleep to trigger lucidity. However, this traditional method requires advanced equipment, such as polysomnography, to accurately monitor sleep stages and apply stimuli at the appropriate time.

 

The recent breakthrough is to bring this technique to a home environment via a smartphone app. This technology uses the same principles of TLR but without the need for complex devices, which democratizes access to lucid dreaming. By training the brain to recognize certain auditory stimuli and fostering a state of critical analysis, this innovation opens the door to new possibilities for exploring the dream world from the comfort of home.

 

How does the lucid dreaming app work?

The latest breakthrough in the study of lucid dreaming lies in the possibility of inducing it through a smartphone application. This technology adapts the Targeted Lucid Reactivation (TLR) method to the domestic environment, making it accessible and easy to use. The process combines prior training with sensory stimuli that occur during the REM phase, a key moment in which dreams are most vivid.

 

The process begins before sleep when the user trains his or her mind to associate certain sounds with a critical, reflective state of mind. For example, the app can play specific tones while the user concentrates on thinking, “I am dreaming.” This training helps strengthen the connection between auditory stimuli and dream awareness.

 

During the night, the app uses the smartphone’s sensors to detect movement patterns or sleep phases, although less accurately than in a laboratory. Once it identifies that the user is in the REM phase, it plays the same sounds used in the previous training. These stimuli act as subtle reminders that trigger lucidity, allowing the dreamer to realize that they are dreaming without interrupting their sleep.

 

The design of this technology aims to minimize costs and complexity, eliminating the need for equipment such as polysomnography. It also allows for the personalization of stimuli to suit individual preferences. This approach has the advantage of being non-invasive and encouraging gradual learning, as success depends on repetition and practice. Thanks to the app, users can explore their dreams with greater control, opening a door to conscious and creative dream experiences, previously only possible in specialized research settings.

Study results: is it effective?

The effectiveness of the app in inducing lucid dreaming was evaluated in two key experiments conducted by the researchers. The results show a significant advance in people’s ability to achieve this conscious dream state from home, without the need for complex equipment such as polysomnography.

 

In the first experiment, participants followed the Targeted Lucid Reactivation (TLR) procedure adapted to the app. A noticeable increase in the frequency of lucid dreams was recorded compared to the previous week when the method was not used. This suggests that cognitive training combined with sound stimuli during REM sleep has a direct impact on the ability to recognize what one is dreaming about.

 

In the second experiment, a more rigorous design was implemented to compare the method with blind control procedures. During alternate nights, some participants received the trained auditory stimuli, while others received unrelated sounds. The results confirmed that the sounds used in the pre-training are key to triggering lucidity. Participants who received the associated stimuli reported lucid dreams more frequently than those exposed to neutral stimuli.

 

The key to success lies in the strong association created during pre-sleep training. Sounds act as triggers that activate an analytical mindset in the dreamer, allowing him to identify the nature of the dream without interrupting it.

 

While the results are promising, the researchers also identified areas for improvement. For example, optimizing the accuracy with which the app detects REM sleep could further increase effectiveness. Overall, this study represents an important step toward democratizing lucid dreaming, opening up new possibilities for both scientific research and personal development.

 

The benefits of lucid dreaming

Lucid dreaming is not only a fascinating experience but also offers numerous practical benefits and applications in different fields. Thanks to the new app that facilitates its introduction, these advantages can be made available to a wider audience, from those looking to explore their creativity to people interested in improving their emotional well-being.

 

In the realm of self-awareness, lucid dreaming allows people to consciously interact with their dream world. This can be a powerful tool for problem-solving, as the dreamer can ask questions, seek solutions, and experience different perspectives in a controlled environment. It has also been shown to be useful for practicing motor skills, such as playing an instrument or performing sports movements, as the brain can simulate these actions during sleep.

 

In psychotherapy, lucid dreaming has promising applications for overcoming fears and trauma. For example, it can be useful for people who suffer from recurring nightmares, allowing them to face distressing situations from a conscious and safe state. In addition, this practice helps develop greater emotional control and reduce anxiety.

 

Finally, in the field of research, lucid dreaming is an invaluable tool for studying the limits of consciousness and the human brain. By democratizing access to it with this app, new doors are opened to explore both the individual benefits and the advances in neuroscience and psychology. This breakthrough could mark the beginning of a revolution in the world of sleep.

 

How will this affect the way we dream?

The ability to induce lucid dreaming from home using an app represents just the beginning of what this technology could achieve in the future. The combination of accessible tools, such as smartphones, and advanced algorithms opens the door to deeper integration with other technologies, such as artificial intelligence and wearable sleep monitoring devices.

 

For example, future versions of this technology could incorporate more precise sensors that automatically detect REM sleep phases, improving the synchronization of auditory stimuli. In addition, the use of artificial intelligence could personalize workouts and sounds to suit the individual characteristics of each user, increasing the effectiveness of the method.

 

Beyond technological development, the implications are for a change in the way we approach the study and use of lucid dreaming. These advances could make the benefits, from trauma resolution to improved cognitive performance, more accessible to the general public.

 

This technology also has the potential to revolutionize scientific research, allowing for the development of large-scale studies with participants from their homes. This could generate more diverse and representative data, accelerating discoveries in neuroscience and sleep psychology.

Conclusions

The ability to induce lucid dreaming through an app democratizes access to this fascinating experience, with applications ranging from personal development to psychotherapy, including scientific research. This technological advance promises to open new frontiers in the study of consciousness and the use of the dream world.

 

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Parenting today is not what it used to be. Parents are struggling to balance their careers, stress, digital distractions, high academic expectations, and rapidly evolving technology while striving to raise grounded, emotionally healthy, and successful children. Children do not simply develop productivity, focus, or discipline. That’s something you work at out of intention, repeatedly and with lots of patience in your home every day.

New research regarding psychology, child development, and neuroscience indicates that children learn productivity through environment, routines, emotional support, and opportunities for solving problems. Not through lectures or pressure. When families build structures that empower curiosity, independence, and cool-headed thinking, we achieve a world full of capable adults. This post goes in depth on ten research-based approaches that parents can apply to instill a life of productivity and emotional resilience.

• Establish Routines That Build Discipline

Children thrive in predictable environments. When parents establish predictable routines, children learn to interpret time, manage tasks, and develop self-control almost without thinking. It’s not so much schedules as routines, the mostly unconscious, invisible scaffolding of life that spins the days into a pattern on which you can place a name: school or church or playgroup; contributions in relationships and later, work.

A productive routine includes:

• A consistent morning rhythm
• A distraction-free set time to study
• Predictable meal and sleep times
• Controlled screen exposure
• Daily small responsibilities

These patterns tell children that life has structure, and success comes from consistently repeated habits. If in their adolescence, young professionals tend to distinguish themselves in difficult environments, they frequently refer not only to relatives and friends but also childhood habits as guarantors of discipline and emotional balance.

• Encourage Independent Thinking

Kids gain confidence when they are given opportunities to make decisions that are appropriate for their age. Independence is not a characteristic; it’s a learned skill. When kids have a chance to pick out their own clothing, decide on their snacks, play a role in planning part of their day, or help find the solution to an easy household problem, they start seeing themselves as competent human beings.

Parents can support independence by:

• Children can also be asked straightforward reflective questions (“What do you think is best?”)
• Offering choices rather than issuing commands
• Embracing mistakes and learning from them

Compound these guided decisions with fortified neural pathways to vast resources for problem-solving, creativity, and long-term confidence. Trust your kids to think for themselves, and they’ll likely grow up to be able to make tough decisions under pressure, like treating patients, running a company, or launching a rocket.

• Build a Growth Mindset

A growth mindset is the belief that skills are cultivated through effort, strategies, and mentorship rather than innate talent. When parents practice and celebrate effort, kids come to see that improvement is always possible. This belief fuels them to withstand with optimism and persistence.

Parents can:

• Praise effort rather than intelligence
• Model and reduce the fear of making mistakes through learning
• Celebrate attempts at challenging tasks
• Frame setbacks as opportunities

Kids with growth mindsets get better grades, are more emotionally resilient, and turn out to be better athletes, artists, hobbyists, and side-hustlers.

• Ensure the Home Environment Is Conducive to Learning

Home is the first school of the child. A space specifically meant for learning structures their curiosity, focus, and intellectual confidence. Kids reared with libraries that contain books, tools, quiet spaces, and visible pathways to pursue ideas will always remain lifelong learners.

A supportive learning home includes:

• A dedicated study area
• Visible books and educational materials
• Calm, structured places for reading
• Tools for creativity and experimentation
• Family routines that celebrate curiosity

Even the slightest environmental cues, whether a reading corner or that kit of microscopes and science materials you’ve set up in your home lesson area (a.k.a., the dining room table, anyone?), tell children learning is something that’s valued and, even better still, encouraged.

Trade it up. Parents can also help teach responsibility by explaining how tools work every day. For example, they could show how a piece of equipment, like a tractor, helps families get work done and that every job takes effort and purpose.

Parents can also teach responsibility by explaining how everyday tools work, for example, showing how equipment like a tractor helps families get work done, reinforcing that every job requires effort and purpose.

• Teach Responsibility Through Real-Life Experiences

You don’t learn responsibility by hearing about it; you learn it by living it. As children observe the consequences of their actions, manage small responsibilities feel trusted with a balance of power, the internal drive to do right emerges. This part will lead to being responsible, self-sufficient, and hard-working.

Parents can:

• Assign age-appropriate chores
• Involve children in household decisions
• Encourage self-organising habits
• Allow natural consequences
• Teach them stewardship of belongings

Uncover the secret to raising responsible children- Responsibility is a central part of character formation, and we get there one day at a time. When kids learn at an early age that they can profit from personal responsibility, they may never shake it!

• Prioritise Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Emotional intelligence is as important as acing a math or English exam. A child who can access self-awareness, empathy, and emotional vocabulary can deal with stress, school pressure, and social conflicts, and life’s disappointments infinitely better than a child who can’t articulate their feelings.

Parents can build EQ by:

• Listening actively
• Naming emotions without judgment
• Demonstrating calm behaviour
• Encouraging empathy and perspective-taking

Children with high EQ excel academically, build stronger relationships, and enjoy a more optimal quality of life by understanding and managing their emotions.

• Celebrate Small Wins

Success is thousands of tiny, invisible efforts. When they receive recognition for their effort on important tasks (homework, clean-ups, goal-setting), children are more likely to persevere. But recognition has to be pure and easy.

Parents can say:

• “I saw how hard you worked.”
• “You pushed through when it was hard.”
• “Great job being responsible.”
• These mini celebrations are to encourage good habits that will be with a child for life.
• Strengthen Parent-Child Communication

Open, thoughtful communication creates trust. Kids feel safer and are more willing to problem solve when they trust their parents will truly listen without immediately critiquing. This emotional safety is the basis of healthy behaviour.

Parents can:

• Hold regular check-ins
• Ask deeper, open-ended questions
• Tell simple anecdotes about their youth
• Don’t lecture; instead, work out solutions together

This is when children build resilience, a sense of worth , and confidence in dealing with problems.

• Promote Healthy Digital Habits

Technology is inevitable, but untrammelled screen time diminishes attention, sleep, and creativity. Good parenting involves teaching digital balance.

Healthy digital habits include:

• • Scheduled screen limits
  • Clear rules for online safety
  • More real-life hobbies (sports, reading, art)

• Prioritising educational apps over games

These habits can help children develop self-control, prevent digital burnout, and engage fully in both online and offline life.

• Demonstrate the Behaviour You Want to Exemplify

Children mirror what they observe. A parent who reads, plans, takes responsibility, exercises steady emotional management, and carefully solves problems is going to naturally raise a child who does the same.

Parents can model by:

• Demonstrating calm decision-making
• Showing how to fix mistakes
• Practising self-care
• Maintaining routines and commitments
• Kids learn much more from examples than from explanations.

• Final Thoughts

Efficient parenting is not perfection; it´s consistency. Parents who provide structured routines, emotional security, and good communication, and encourage a learning environment, are giving children the greatest gift: competence to succeed anywhere in the world.

These kids are coming of age ready for any path, whether creating new ventures in the United States, becoming doctors in the U.K., lawyers in Germany, or serving as leaders back at home. Productivity isn’t the entire academic success; it’s a lifelong attitude inculcated at home, one day and one lesson (in math, or life) at a time.

 

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Life is a journey filled with opportunities, challenges, and decisions. At the heart of this journey lies the universal desire for happiness, peace, and fulfillment. Yet, achieving these goals is often fraught with trials that test our resilience and wisdom. While personal experience is a valuable teacher, it is neither the only nor the most efficient source of learning. Observing and internalizing the lessons from others’ mistakes can serve as a powerful tool to navigate life’s complexities. This approach not only saves us from unnecessary pain but also accelerates our personal and professional growth. A wise man learns from others’ mistakes, leveraging their experiences to make better choices and craft a life that aligns with his aspirations. This principle, grounded in observation and empathy, can act as a compass, guiding us toward a more meaningful and harmonious existence. Let’s explore how this philosophy can transform our lives.

Why Learning from Others’ Mistakes Matters

Every individual’s life is a unique blend of experiences. Some people achieve their dreams effortlessly, while others struggle with obstacles and missteps. By observing the actions of those around us, we can gain valuable insights into what works and what doesn’t. This type of learning, known as vicarious learning, allows us to bypass potential failures and focus on building a stronger foundation for success.

The wisdom gained from others’ mistakes is a shortcut, offering lessons without the cost of personal suffering. It empowers us to anticipate challenges, avoid common pitfalls, and make more informed decisions. This approach not only enhances our problem-solving abilities but also strengthens our emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills.

The Psychological Basis of Repeating Mistakes

Despite the availability of lessons from others, many people repeat mistakes they’ve seen others make. This tendency can be attributed to a psychological phenomenon called the “optimism bias,” where individuals believe they are less likely to experience negative outcomes than others. This bias often leads to overconfidence and a dismissal of the cautionary tales around us.

For instance, someone who observes a friend struggling with the consequences of procrastination might still procrastinate, assuming they’ll manage to overcome the challenges at the last minute. Understanding the psychological basis of such behaviors can help us recognize and address them more effectively.

The Role of Observation in Learning

Observation is a powerful learning tool that requires attentiveness and mindfulness. Every interaction and event in our lives presents an opportunity to gain insights. Whether it’s watching a colleague face repercussions for poor decision-making or seeing a family member achieve success through hard work, these experiences offer valuable lessons.

By developing an observant mindset, we can identify patterns and outcomes in others’ actions. This allows us to make proactive choices, avoiding the trial-and-error process that often accompanies personal growth.

The Benefits of Vicarious Learning

Saves Time and Effort

Learning from others eliminates the need to experience every setback personally. It accelerates our growth by allowing us to focus on solutions rather than navigating avoidable obstacles.

Minimizes Emotional Pain

Mistakes often come with emotional repercussions such as guilt, regret, or shame. By observing others, we can sidestep these burdens and maintain a positive mindset.

Enhances Decision-Making Skills

Understanding the consequences of various actions equips us to make more informed choices. This skill is particularly valuable in high-stakes situations, where the cost of errors can be significant.

Builds Empathy and Perspective

By paying attention to others’ experiences, we develop a deeper understanding of their struggles and motivations. This enhances our empathy and broadens our perspective, enriching our interpersonal relationships.

Lessons in Balance: What Buzz Aldrin Taught Us

Buzz Aldrin’s story serves as a poignant example of the importance of balance in life. As one of the first humans to walk on the moon, Aldrin achieved a feat that inspired the world. However, his relentless focus on this singular goal led to personal struggles, including depression and alcoholism, in the aftermath of his achievement.

This lesson emphasizes that success should not come at the expense of health, relationships, or overall well-being. A wise man learns from others’ mistakes and prioritizes a balanced approach, recognizing that true fulfillment comes from harmonizing ambition with self-care and meaningful connections.

Avoiding Destructive Patterns

Observing the destructive behaviors of others can be a catalyst for personal change. Many individuals turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance abuse or compulsive behaviors to numb emotional pain. While these choices may provide temporary relief, they often lead to long-term suffering.

By recognizing the consequences of such actions in others, we can make healthier choices and break the cycle of self-destruction. This proactive approach not only improves our well-being but also sets a positive example for those around us.

Practical Steps to Learn From Others

Cultivate Genuine Curiosity

Developing curiosity about other people’s experiences is the first step toward learning from them. Ask questions, listen attentively, and seek to understand the decisions they made and the outcomes they faced. This openness to learning fosters deeper connections and uncovers valuable insights.

Embrace Empathy, Not Judgment

When observing others, it’s crucial to approach their mistakes with empathy rather than criticism. Recognize that everyone is navigating their own journey and that their missteps are opportunities for learning, not ridicule.

Seek Diverse Perspectives

Don’t limit your learning to a specific group of people. Seek out lessons from individuals with varied backgrounds, experiences, and values. Often, the most unexpected sources provide the most profound insights.

Learn from Public Figures

Biographies, interviews, and documentaries offer a wealth of knowledge about public figures who have navigated triumphs and failures. Analyze their decisions, identify patterns, and apply these lessons to your own life.

Reflect and Apply What You Learn

Reflection is key to turning observations into actionable wisdom. Consider how the lessons you’ve learned from others align with your own behaviors. Are there patterns you need to change or habits you should adopt? This self-awareness paves the way for growth.

Real-Life Scenarios of Learning from Others

The Health Wake-Up Call

A friend who neglects their health might face severe consequences later in life. Observing their struggles can inspire you to adopt healthier habits, such as regular exercise and a balanced diet, to prevent similar outcomes.

Financial Discipline in Action

Seeing a colleague grapple with debt due to poor financial decisions can serve as a powerful reminder of the importance of budgeting and saving. Learning from their experience helps you make wiser financial choices.

Building Stronger Relationships

Observing someone’s relationship suffer due to lack of communication or trust can motivate you to prioritize these aspects in your own relationships. By addressing potential issues early, you can build stronger, more fulfilling connections.

Creating a Ripple Effect of Positive Change

When you adopt the philosophy that a wise man learns from others’ mistakes, the benefits extend beyond your own life. Your actions and decisions influence those around you, creating a ripple effect of positive change. By embodying the lessons you’ve learned, you inspire others to do the same, contributing to a more compassionate and wise community.

Balancing Personal Growth and Vicarious Learning

While learning from others is invaluable, personal experiences also play a crucial role in shaping our character. The key is to balance these two approaches. Embrace the lessons from others while remaining open to the growth that comes from your own journey. This holistic approach fosters resilience and equips you with the tools to navigate life’s challenges effectively.

A Wise Man Learns From Others’ Mistakes: A Transformative Philosophy

Adopting this philosophy transforms the way you view life. It encourages humility, fosters empathy, and sharpens your decision-making abilities. By observing and internalizing the lessons from others’ mistakes, you can craft a life that is not only fulfilling but also inspiring to those around you.

The Path to a Better Life

A wise man learns from others’ mistakes, recognizing the value of shared experiences and collective wisdom. Whether it’s observing the consequences of someone’s choices or reflecting on the lessons of public figures, this approach provides a powerful framework for personal growth. By adopting this mindset, you can navigate life with greater ease, avoid unnecessary pain, and contribute to a brighter future for yourself and those around you.

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Suppose you are an ambidextrous writer, who loves the look and feel of fountain pens. Choosing your pen, ink, and paper is not a trivial thing. I will share some of my own experiences.

Tradeoffs

The main reason to use a fountain pen is a totally customizable writing experience. If you do not write much and all you want is to leave a permanent mark on paper, you should use a ballpoint. Since you are reading this article, I assume you want more. Fountain pens need to be used A LOT, otherwise cleaned and stored.

The first question we ask: how will this pen be used? Do you want to write on any kind of paper, or do you want very unique text on a special paper? Are you highlighting and practicing calligraphy or writing the dense text? Which hand and which grip are you more comfortable with? Can you afford to wait for the ink to dry?

Nib, ink, and paper should be matched to provide an optimal writing experience.

In quest of the perfect ink

Generally, there are two kinds of inks. Dry and wet.

The “dry” inks or inks that dry fast provide very vibrant colors with very little overhead. They can be used on any paper. You can use them to write fast. You will probably be using a fine nib. The colors may be very fine

The “wet” inks or inks that dry slowly often come with some special effects. Otherwise, you should probably use the “dry” inks. There are several special effects to consider. Sheening is changing of the color as you write and the color dries. It looks like magic and makes you wonder and want to write more. Shading is a change of the saturation of the color, a more permanent effect. Water-resistance is another effect: the pigments are suspended in the water. And if you use these inks, you probably want a medium or broad nib.

The “dip” inks should be actually used with calligraphy sets. They can often clog fountain pens, and are very viscous or contain metallic particles. These inks allow shimmering, photoluminescence, hidden UV-light messages. Artists and craftsmen are likely to use calligraphy sets, but not the rest of us…

Paper trail

Another reason to use a fountain pen is a great tactile feeling when writing. This time the quest often starts with a smooth paper.

Usually, we use paper more suited for ballpoint pens. If we doodle, we probably use the copy machine paper. For more systematic notes we will be using school notebooks. The paper will be rough to grip the oily inks of the ballpens. Even gel pens will occasionally smudge and be seen through the page, so we are likely to use only one side of each page.

For fountain pens, we prefer to use premium paper with a silky smooth surface.  This paper has very little feathering or diffusion of the ink through the paper. Occasionally this means longer drying times, and quite often the page will be slightly transparent (if thin). The main issue with this paper is smudging, especially using ambidextrous writing.

With caligraphy pens, the best solution is often an oblique nib holder where the angle of the nob can vary. Asian languages often use brushes or bent (fude) nibs which allow one’s handle to hover above the page. This is not working with European languages.

The perfect grip

We learn how to hold a pen in our hands in elementary schools. At the beginning of the 20th century, everybody was using fountain pens, and teachers spent a lot of time actually teaching calligraphy. Today calligraphy is a hobby. So we hold the pen differently.

Some use a slanted grip and hold the pen on its side. Others use a direct grip and hold the pen above the hand.  Since I was taught in USSR, I use the “dynamic tripod” or “correct” way to hold a pen. This is the more ergonomic way, but it is also very language-specific. I cannot really use it with my left hand, where I prefer a dynamic quadrupod hold.

I also keep my right hand very slanted and my left hand direct. Why? With a long grip, my right-hand rests ergonomically and lags significantly after the pen. The left hand with a colored pen can slide under the right hand if needed, and also does not smudge. By the time the right-hand gets there, the ink is dry. Is this the most natural grip? Hell, no. But it works. If you are struggling with left-hand grip try dedicated devices. The hand should go just under the line with a hand near the grip.

Dedicated nibs by Pilot

What is my favorite nib? Let us start with Pilot. Pilot is a very innovative company with some special nibs. Especially for the 912 pen, which I love…

FA is the flexible tip. If you want something cheaper try Nozzler Ahab. The tip is flexible, which allows beautiful calligraphy, however it needs a lot of control. I  write slowly with it and cannot generate anything useful when the pen is in the left hand.

PO or posting tip is a special down-bent extra fine tip. It is specifically build to reduce feathering on regular paper. A regular extra-fine tip occasionally scratches or makes holes in regular paper. PO does not. It is actually fine-tuned for direct grip.

WA or waverly tip is a very special slightly up-bent or fude nib. It is built specifically to allow every writer to use every angle. It is an ambidexterous nib.  They are roughly medium nibs, good for both hands and say orange ink.

Dedicated nibs by Lamy

Do other companies help ambidexterous writers? Yes, and usually with gold nibs. Let us take Lami. Lami nibs are not fully round like Jowo nibs but slightly grind into a stub to allow for beautiful line variation. This causes several issues.

Let us start with languages and uses where you want the horizontal line to be wide and the vertical line to be narrow. For example, this is good if you write in Hebrew or use the same pen for highlighting and actual writing. It is like an inverted stub nib, good for both hands. It is marked as A or Architect nib.

Next, we have a fully round ball nib to facilitate writing with both hands. It is named MK, and is a medium nib. In fact, eventually, Lamy started to grind all its medium nibs this way.

Once we step up to gold nibs, Lamy offers both right and left oblique nib. An oblique nib is a nib grinded with a slant, to allow for slanted hold to produce the same variations as a direct grip with a regular nib. Say OM grip is very well suited for my slanted right-hand grip. It definitely will not work with my direct left-hand grip. Fortunately, there is no need, as I can use a pen with an architect nib in my left hand.

Stopping feathering

We want our texts to be smooth. The easiest way to stop feathering is to use dry ink with extra-fine nib. Only that will work for right-hand writers and it will suit only some purposes, like fine annotation of printed text.

For the second hand, we need something different. Once again we can consider a gel pen, like Pilot G2 red bold point (1mm)… That will work just fine.

However, if we want a fountain pen for yet more colors, we need something custom: architect grind, Waverly or just one big ball like Jowo #6. And possibly a good paper to go with that, as we will be writing medium or broad with lots of ink.

The Russian way

When the first space missions were launched, Fisher developed a highly pressurized refill with almost rubbery ink. The development cost millions. Russian cosmonauts used pencils. Small graphite particles soiled the ship a bit and possibly made a negligible imprint in the cosmonaut’s lungs. So what? This also works.

We can use a fine 0.5 or 0.7 mechanical pencil in one hand and a colorful 3.2 or 5.6 lead holder in another. That will work fine. Maybe we will need a sharpener or an eraser, maybe even two of each as graphite and color erasers are different. So what? No feathering, no smudging, elegant, and fully customizable writing experience guaranteed.

Is the Russian way less impressive? Possibly, but it is not less effective. Stenography used to be written in fountain pens, but now it is usually written with mechanical pencils or with stenotype keyboards. And those guys need speed and reliability.

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My wife recently told me “You have everything to be happy. I would expect you to be happier. Why aren’t you?”. The theme of today’s post is balancing ambition with satisfaction.

Ambition is good

It is probably good to have ambitions. Otherwise, we would not do anything worthwhile. A person who has high ambitions is more likely to get a better career, come out with a better deal from a negotiation table, earn the respect of his peers.  Ambition motivates us to work harder, pushes us to be more creative and energizes us into action. The feeling of purpose that often comes with high ambitions makes us more satisfied. So far everything about ambition is good, at least as long as our expectations are not too high.

You cant get what you want

Eventually, every ambition tends to turn into frustration. There are several reasons for it:

• As we get very good at something, it becomes much harder to get any progress and we feel frustrated.
• True mastery is very hard to achieve and easy to fake. The master will often feel not appreciated, the faker will feel worthless and the public will feel cheated.
• Somebody else will always be more successful than we are.  If we are the best in the world in something, we will suddenly want something greater.
• If for some reason we achieve our long-term goals we might feel emptiness and disorientation.
• When for some reason all the stars align and we get an incredible achievement, there is this tiny thought “Is this my maximum? Can I ever beat that?”

When I was in my best speedreading shape I could read 10000 words with 50% retention. 50% is the minimum required to qualify for speedreading. The training was tough, and I decided it was ultimately not worth it. I read fast, but I do not read that fast anymore.

I never was truly happy

Napoleon Bonaparte once said, “I haven’t known 6 days of happiness in my life“. Not sure if the quote is historically correct, but it is famous. The person who had everything was probably deeply unhappy. We understand that some celebrities are unhappy often only after their demise.

Ambitions and achievements do not make you happy. They may generate happy moments, but not long-term happiness. Happiness comes from truly enjoying the small things life has to offer, finding both pleasure and purpose in everyday tasks. Moreover, true happiness usually lies in the journey rather than the destination.

Money or love cannot buy happiness. The more love and money we get, the happier we are, but only up to a point. Above that, the wellbeing still improves, but only barely.

Am I happy?

So I ask myself to what extent I am happy and how I can be happier. Let’s do a checklist of what are some basic elements of happiness:

• Financial wellbeing. Basically enough to deal with physical needs and provide security. If you can read or write in this blog, probably you qualify.
• Physical pleasures. Healthy body, reasonable weather, a person we love, food that is more than substantive, sports and who knows what. Probably I could do better in this area, but what I have is more than enough to be happy.
• Love and belonging. Having a family that loves you and some friends will qualify.
• Spiritual fulfillment. Between religion, mindfulness, art or music and some other cool stuff, we have at least 10% of the happiness potential.  I can honestly say I am very content in this particular area.
• Making the world a better place. This is a basic question about one’s purpose in life.  I believe most of us have a positive impact on the world.
• Personal growth. Another subjective measure of purpose in one’s life. I think my own personal growth has only accelerated since I can remember myself.  Probably this has to do with my learning habits.

I think I check all the checkmarks of what is needed to be happy, yet I do not feel truly happy. The reason must be different.

Early childhood

When we are below two years old, our brain and body work differently. We learn languages and develop musical perfect pitch before the age of 10 months. Some say that the basic feelings of joy and pain develop earlier. When a child is properly fed and healthy he is happy, and the happiness neurons flourish. If the child is in pain, he gets more sensitive to negative sensations, and more likely to develop chronic pains later on.

I was very sick as a small child: I had multiple infections and a severe lack of calcium.  Quite honestly, I think my potential for happiness is lower because of that.

Do a favor to your child and do not allow him to cry himself to sleep when he is several months old…

Love is all you need

Infants need parental love,  and they usually get it. Research shows that mammals tend to die without it.

Love and belonging are more of a question in later childhood and adolescence. I did not have siblings, did not go to kindergarten, was terrorized by bullies till I was 12 years old and could do a horizontal bar 30 times. Then I faced all the uncertainties of immigration. I was loved by ladies, but very insecure. When I just married Anna we used to argue a lot. Probably I was 35 years old and married with two kids when I finally felt sufficiently loved and belonging.

The bad thing in this story is the delayed development of social skills and lack of support through socialization in the most challenging periods of life, e.g. adolescence.

Finding happiness through learning

My spiritual fulfillment came from learning. This is something I always was good at, and after Anna’s training, I am a remarkably good learner. As a child, I was captivated by physics and computers, as a 20 years old man by history and philosophy, and later by psychology and so-called soft skills. I am constantly learning and this fills a religious need in me. The more I know how the world works, the better I feel with my own place in it.

Sharing my understandings and mentoring others fills me with a strong sense of fulfillment, as I understand that I make the world better.

Lifelong learning as a strategy also provides constant personal growth opportunities. The more we know, the better we understand the gaps in our knowledge, so this quest appears to be naturally accelerating and very satisfying.

Most of us have all that is needed for happiness

While we cannot fully remedy the errors of our own upbringing, we can acquire everything needed for a happy life: a reasonable house, a loving family, a meaningful job. Some things will come and go: the weather cannot always be good, and we will occasionally get sick, but overall we should be happy even though our ambitions are not realized.

One of the tricks that work for me is focusing on the things I am grateful for, instead of the things that I miss. I am trying to make this natural and automatic for myself, but it is a slow process due to my ADHD. I am also a little bit worried, as I understand how easy it is to lose the very things that make me happy, and how fragile human beings tend to be.

Frustration

My best and most successful students often report frustration. It is a very reasonable feeling. The very ambition that makes them tick is causing them deep frustration. The higher the expectations, the harder it is to fulfill them. Working hard we often compromise the things that should make us better: we do not have enough time for our families, the sleep suffers, we eat and drink faster than we should enjoy the process. Hard work only amplifies the frustration.

December 2019 was the first month in the last 10 years that I almost did not read: I was too busy writing and I had to care for my wife with some orthopedic issue. And if this could happen to me, this can definitely happen to everyone.

To deal with frustration I often tell my students to take a short time-out. We should not use our grit to overcome trivial issues, but should instead focus on the very things that motivate us.

Thomas Merton – When ambition ends, happiness begins.

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This was never a secret, but now it is official: millennials are the most stressed age group out there.
Financial concerns are a viable reason to be stressed. High college loans and uncertainty regarding future employment, fear of taking mortgage to buy your own apartment, rising social gaps… There is no safe financial haven for the new generation. There has been no major shift in average wages recently, but even if you are a doctor there is no guarantee that you will be able to pay your loans 20 years from now.

The stress causes irritability, anxiety, and lack of motivation. This is especially frustrating in super-social, super-connected, and self-employed world, where self-assured optimistic and highly motivated approach is a door-opener for secure future. Stress makes people more likely to engage in unhealthy coping strategies, like drinking, surfing the internet, and smoking. This is not good for health, creativity and memory. In fact, this is an example of self-destructive behavior, which generates yet more stress and yet more self-destruction.

Learning is much more successful way of coping with uncertainty. A diversified skill-set. proven working and volunteering experience are your best line of defense. Any industry is cyclic – look for industries which prosper when your industry suffers. And I am not talking about oil vs transportation, I am talking about working as engineer vs teaching engineering when the work is scarce. Build new projects, share them with people to boost your brand, build yourself a diversified professional reputation, have fun creating things and playing with cool gadgets, instead of mindless drinking and web surfing.

Even successful people are unhappy. Increasingly demanding workload and increasingly complex business and technology structures keep us away from home and in partial darkness regarding what is happening around us. The movement for work-life balance is more a symptom of a problem than a viable solution. We are locked within organizational culture that comes with our profession. We can change cities and jobs, but this would not change what we are.

Some people say that there are no wrong career moves. Many people, especially young women, trade highly demanding management jobs for less demanding jobs that allow spending more time with loved ones. Others are moonlighting trying to build an alternative career – often to find out that the same cyclicity and trade-offs apply in the new career. Companies benefit from employees with diverse background and experience.

I do not hold the golden key out of the rat race. I work 5 days a week 12 hours a day developing new technologies, and then 1 day a week 12 hours I write. I barely have enough time to go to a gym, be a father, and ensure that our home does not disintegrate due to our negligence. Anna has 3 jobs and she is the main figure in our kids’ life. We are as stressed out about the present and the future as everybody else, maybe slightly better prepared to cope with the stress. We do have one advantage: this is the life we love, the life we have chosen to live, and we stand by our choice.

If you do what you love to do, if you have no regrets regarding your choices, if you diversify your skills and prepare for future uncertainty – this may well be the best strategy to live in 21st century.

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Comics heroes often discover their greatest strength once they hit the bottom. Sometimes it feels this way to real people. We can transform our depression and confusion into creative breakthroughs and a surge of motivation. Each time we do not feel that good with ourselves we can reframe that into a motivational moment.  You may want to read more here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Puzzled?

We rarely feel puzzled and this may be a good thing. Typically we act automatically. This means we execute the same sequences that used to work for us quickly and effortlessly. We save our time and usually achieve great results.

When we execute certain techniques we expect specific feedbacks. We may get very different feedback or dynamics.  In that case, we will probably feel puzzled and act less automatically, investing our conscious thought in our activities. The result will be less fluent, but we will be able to adapt.

Creativity is often experienced as this stepping out of automatic thinking patterns and into something entirely different. And creativity may start a wonderful transformation.

Do not touch me. Transforming.

In nature, before the transformation happens, the butterfly would be in a cacoon. We are really vulnerable during the transformation period. Our old automatic responses stop working properly, but our new responses do not work yet.

Quite often when in “cacoon” we are touchy and depressed. We feel that we cannot react well enough to the outside pressure and at the same time we do not have energy and confidence to filter the noise.

Therefore for some people, depression might be a symptom of transformation and should be treated as such. A strong drop in productivity in the working environment not necessarily requires a hearing with the boss. Quite possibly if given a bit more time a “Eurika” moment may emerge.

Failure as a wake-up call.

More often, to the point of becoming a stereotype, depression is a cry for help. Elton John needed psychological help, so he staged several dramas until he got the help he needed. He tried to drown in his own pool during a party. This is not exactly a suicide attempt. Walking to an AA meeting in full costume was a definite cry for help, and this time it worked.

In the working environment, failure is very similar to death. Some people stimulate failure as a cry for help. Others are asleep in automatic activities and a failure wakes them up. Yet in other cases, failure may be a logical result of the wrong strategy and show the limitations of this strategy. We do not always choose how we fail, but we choose how we recover.

Storytelling often glorifies our failures as a step in the hero’s story arch. Most coaches and salesmen are master storytellers. A good story will motivate, build empathy and encourage to buy. This does not mean that the storytellers lie. They simply choose to address some failures and transformations while completely ignoring other failures and success stories.

So if you hear someone talking about “the darkest hour is just before dawn”, this could be a poetic license.

From depression to mania

Another effect of depression is energy preservation. People in the state of mania use too much energy, and often need a depression between two consecutive mania stages. It is only natural that depression is followed by mania if we recovered enough energy.

In the state of mania, people can be very successful. Mania is usually defined by a lot of energy, very high confidence, conquering charisma, razor-sharp focus, ability to work crazy hours. All of these things may generate a creative or commercial success within a very short timeframe.

Oscillating between mania and depression is not a sign of personal growth and future success. It is a very dangerous and destructive tendency even in the most helpful environments.  At some point, the timing of depression will coincide with the greatest trial, and a great failure will typically follow.

Not all ups and downs are clinical or avoidable, yet it is best to avoid the rollercoaster experiences.

Creativity out of exhaustion

We often associate creativity with sparkling freedom and happiness. This is not the only creativity. Maybe it is not even the most common form of creativity.

Creativity often comes from limitations. We exhaust our established brain connections and new brain paths switch on. Some of this is our natural openness, and some of the neuroplasticity is acquired. The more we practice creativity, the easier it becomes. Possibly there is some brain chemistry change involved, I do not really see a relevant study.

When we train creativity we not only establish new perspectives and new ways of problem-solving, we also facilitate “out of the box” thinking.

The strange thing: quite often before we think “out of the box” we need to exhaust our regular ideas. In certain studies, two groups of students get a small amount of money and an adequate amount of money with the request to earn more. The groups with small amounts, generate more creative solutions and eventually higher revenues.

Depression does not kill creativity

In fact, some of the most creative performers and money-makers are clinically depressed. Depression often goes well beyond sadness, through exhaustion of automatic thoughts, into the realm of the “out of the box” creativity.

This does not mean that we need to be burned out, depressed and slightly suicidal to feel creative. We do not need to higher depressed people in a strange hope they will find creative genius. If and when we get into depression we can reframe the depression into change, creativity and a focus point for radical activity.

A simple question “what should I do next” may change your life…

 

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